INTRODUCTION AND DISCLAIMER

If you're still using a Nintendo Entertainment System, then no doubt you've made friends with the all-too-familiar blinking television screen when you insert a game cartridge and press POWER. Sometimes you can temporarily fix this problem by jiggling the cartridge in the system, blowing into the open end of the cartridge, or beating the tar out of your machine with a baseball bat. But often these solutions don't work and you're stuck with that blinking screen, scrambled game graphics, discoloration, itchy, flaky scalp, flashing POWER lights, or, perhaps worst of all, games that freeze up while you're playing.

In the past five years, I used three Nintendo Entertainment Systems and over forty game cartridges which have given me these problems (often due to problems in both the system AND the cartridge in use), but I have never once come across one that I couldn't repair, and keep repaired by simple cleanings. That's right. I have fixed and maintained every broken nonworking Nintendo system and cartridge I have seen simply by cleaning it. In this text, I will show you how to clean both your system and cartridges and, nine times out of ten, fix the most common problems with your Nintendo Entertainment System. But, even if you don't have problems with your system, a cleaning every once in awhile can prevent future problems.

As a disclaimer, I should tell you that you use this cleaning method exclusively at your own risk. I cannot be held responsible (financially or otherwise) for problems or damages to yourself, your system, or your cartridges. Also I cannot guarantee that a cleaning will fix every problem associated with your system or personal life. I attest only that this has worked for me and my systems and cartridges. It is possible that your system or cartridge is not working due to broken parts, physical abuse, or emotional damage due to treating it like a slaving machine rather than as a respected friend.

Remember: Nintendo games are people too.

By cleaning your system or cartridge using this system, you agree that you have read the above and that you do not and will not hold this text or the author or distributor of this text responsible for any damages that may incur. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "How can I possibly sue somebody for breaking something that already doesn't work?" Well, I've seen People's Court. With our justice system, anything's possible.

BEFORE YOU BEGIN

Although the Nintendo Entertainment System was "revolutionary" in many ways, it was not built to last. Just imagine that the only thing that's keeping you from saving Zelda is dust. Lots of dust. So how do you get it out? On the back of just about every cartridge, they tell you three things.

1. DO NOT STORE IN EXTREME TEMPERATURES

You know you want to. Even if you have room in your icebox, don't do it. Resist the temptation.

2. DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER

There are two major enemies of consumer electronics: water and dust. Either can seriously mess up a system. You've already got dust in your system. Do not add water.

3. DO NOT CLEAN WITH BENZENE, THINNER, ALCOHOL, OR OTHER SUCH SOLVENTS

So what exactly are "other such solvents" and what should you clean your Nintendo stuff with? The manufacturers of video games were not very helpful in the eighties. Perhaps they just wanted to get you to buy their own cleaning kits for ridiculously high prices. If, today, you see an NES cleaning kit in some obscure black market, and if, today, you can get it working, I encourage you to use it rather than this method. But for the rest of us, here's what you need (and you probably already have it all already). For cleaning a cartridge, you'll need:

• A bottle of Windex or equivalent generic glass cleaner (I suggest a cheap Wal-Mart version to get the job done; that's what I've used).
  
  
• A big box of Q-Tips or equivalent generic cotton swabs.
  
  
• A cup or bowl (Have you ever tried to dip a Q-Tip in a bottle of Windex?).
  
  

For cleaning your system, you'll need all of the above, but you'll also need:

• A long Phillips-head screwdriver.
  
  
• An old, ratty toothbrush (you can use a nice new one, but oral hygiene is a little more important than bashing bricks with Mario's head; wouldn't you agree? Don't answer that. Use your roommate's toothbrush if you must, but don't answer that).

Now take a look at a game cartridge, clean or dirty. Look into the end that you insert into your game system. You will see part of the "Inner Cartridge" sticking out. It looks green and/or white with metal plates on either side. These metal plates are called contacts. They call them contacts because that's what they do. They touch similar-looking metal plates within your game system. If the contacts of your system can't touch the contacts of the cartridge, it's like not connecting one end of a battery; nothing happens. So it's vital to keep these contacts clean so that dust doesn't block the signal from your cartridge to your system.

CLEANING A CARTRIDGE

Pour some of your Windex into the bowl or cup and dip one end of your swab in the liquid. Then use the Windex-drenched cotton swab to scrub the cartridge's contacts. Make sure you get both sides. The swab will no doubt become black or otherwise dirty within a few seconds. When that happens, repeat with another swab (dip and scrub). Be firm. Get all the dirt out. Even using both ends of the cotton swabs, you'll still need two to ten (depending on how dirty it is) swabs to finish one cartridge. Keep scrubbing every contact until you can scrub with a Windex-ed swab and no dust or dirt comes off on it. This means your cartridge is clean. Now take a dry swab and get rid of all the excess Windex. Let sit for at least a few minutes and then you can try it out. If it doesn't work, remove and reinsert the cartridge. If it still doesn't work, you will have to clean your system. You should do this anyway, but sometimes Mario just needs to save the Princess right now. Don't put off a thorough cleaning of your system too long though. Any dirt that was in your system might need to be cleaned off your cartridge and that just means you'll have to clean everything over again.

CLEANING A NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM

Turn your system upside down and you'll see six deep holes in the bottom of your NES. These holes contain screws which you'll need to remove before you open up your system. Make sure your NES is UNPLUGGED. Remove the screws with your Phillips-head screwdriver and turn your system right-side up. Now lift off the plastic top.

Just about everything under the top will be covered by a metal piece. Remove the seven screws (also Phillips-head) and then remove the metal piece.

From here, you should be able to identify the system's contacts. If you're not sure, then insert a cartridge (exactly the way you would when the cover was on) and note where the cartridge's contacts insert themselves into the system. This little mouth holds the contacts for your NES. This might be a little difficult to clean using cotton swabs, so try using a toothbrush dipped in Windex in the same manner as you did with cotton swabs for the cartridge. It's all right to scrub with a little more pressure than you did for the cartridge. The important thing is to get the dust and grime out. Use a variety of brushing strokes (up and down, side to side, and vibrating) to get it all out. When you think the contacts are pretty much clean, wipe off your toothbrush with a paper towel (so I didn't list napkins in your "what you need" section. Sorry.) and scrub it again to get out some of the excess cleaner off the contacts.

Let your Nintendo sit for a few minutes, insert a (preferably clean) cartridge, plug it in, and press power. It will work and it is safe to do to this with the cover off. Just don't stand in water or lick the motherboard or anything and you'll be fine. If it works, great. Replace the metal plate and cover, but don't use all of the screws. Use two or three for the metal part and one or two for the cover. That should be more than enough to keep it in place. (Actually, I don't use any screws for replacing the lid. I use duct tape to keep that baby on.) The reason for this is that the extra screws aren't necessary and you'll just be unscrewing them again the next time you want to clean your system.

If it doesn't work, try re-cleaning the system and/or re-cleaning the cartridge. Try a different cartridge. If no clean cartridge works on your system, then you may have other problems. Maybe its time to upgrade to a Playstation. Or, better yet, an Atari 2600.

That's still my favorite game machine.

The older the system, the more often you'll want to clean it. Good luck and have fun. Nintendo, NES, Atari, Windex, People's Court, and all other trademarks are the property of their respected and respective owners.



Filed under Misc, Misc-Nonfiction