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Back to Journal  « Clarion My Wayward Son 1 | As Ready as I'll Ever Be | Clarion Week 1: Getting There is Half the Something » As Ready as I'll Ever Be June 23, 2006 I don't think I feel any more prepared than I did four months ago. But my travel itinery is printed out on the backs of rough draft pages. I've got the usual preflight feeling that I forgot to pack something important. I just spent an hour looking for my one pair of dress-up shoes. We have a wedding in Pittsburgh tomorrow, then for me it's straight to Michigan Sunday. I've put an auto-responder on my mail for Editors: "We're sorry, this rejection letter doesn't meet our present needs. Please send something else in the future..." I'm mailing myself some clothes. I'm vacillating on whether to bring my guitar. It's packed in its own bag. I might not decide for sure until the last minute, which is just five hours from now. Which means I need to wake in four. I had a few good cries today, both alone and in good company. This will be the longest I've been away from Jen since we married, and the second longest since we met, about 15 years ago. I wonder if our kittens will remember me when I come back. I feel I gave too much of my time and thoughts to Clarion over the last few months and now I'm already starting to miss the things I occasionally neglected. I suck at preparation. It seems no matter how hard I work, I'm never as ready as I want to be. Home has become very comfortable to me over the past year; I don't want to leave. I'm finally pleased with my writing habits and progression. Why interrupt them? In the podcast I mentioned a handful of concerns going into Clarion, but now I'm remembering a dozen more. I wonder if I no longer want Clarion as much as I did seven years ago. In reading past Clarion Journals, it's clear that doubt is normal. It doesn't feel normal. The next time I'm online, it'll be as a workshop student. Filed under Clarion, Journal  
Comments: Discuss this entry at LiveJournalThis will be the longest I've been away from my husband since we started dating eleven years ago. Compared to eleven years, six weeks is a very short time. But I understand what you're saying. :) Posted by: Aimee Poynter at June 24, 2006 8:30 AM 
It is normal to feel doubtful and nervous about it all. It's a big deal. Just make sure Jen comes up to visit you a few times so you won't feel so homesick, and you'll be fine. Posted by: Jason Erik Lundberg at June 24, 2006 10:30 AM
1) Why did I not think to look in your Journal section for the latest news and info instead of your frontpage? 2) I changed my link on my blog to come right here from now on. 3) Were we seperated at birth? You're like the person I want to be brave enough to be. I only hopped on board when I rediscovered you doing Escape Pod that was shortly before or after your acceptance at Asimov's (first discovered you at FanBoy, as you know. "Look Marge! Our little boy has grown up!"). And now here you go to Clarion. 4) Thanks for being open and vulnerable with us. It's a quality I think we all should strive for. 5) I am definitely along for the ride. Soldier on, boy! Posted by: Alan at June 24, 2006 12:31 PM
That was lovely and sweet. Safe journey and pleasant arrivals... Posted by: Mallory at June 24, 2006 1:40 PM
Welcome to the five stages of Clarion: Doubt-WTF am I to rub elbows with Samuel freaking Delany? Anger-How the fuck can they expect me to read, much less write, this much in a week? And why can't these idiots understand the depth and power of my writing? Bargaining-If you let me get away with opening with the weather, I'll overlook your "As You Know Bob" dialogue. Depression- I'm giving up language. Use my laptop to prop up a table leg. Burning my file cabinet. Acceptance- Nobody writes a complete, polished story in a week- every one will show flaws, sometimes enormous. The brave keep writing. Those who retreat to trunk stories or no stories will regret what they missed. You'll find yourself waking up many months after Clarion saying "So that's what they meant!" It's a life-changing experience. Enjoy. Posted by: Loquacious Lad at June 24, 2006 4:57 PM
Thanks, all. (hotel in Pittsburgh has internet access so I can at least approve a few comments) Posted by: Alex at June 25, 2006 12:45 AM
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Alex Wilson writes fiction and comics in Carrboro, NC. His work has appeared/will appear in Asimov's Science Fiction, The Rambler, Weird Tales, The Florida Review, Futurismic, Shimmer, ChiZine, FutureQuake, Pif, and Dragon. Locus Magazine has called him a "promising new writer," and Publishers Weekly also has nice things to say. Alex runs the audiobook project/podcast Telltale Weekly and the writer wiki Guidevines. He publishes the minicomic/zine Inconsequential Art. He is a 2006 Clarion graduate.  
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