Overall, I really enjoyed this post. I think the protagonist was well-rounded, the conflict was clearly laid out at the start, and although there seems to be no clear resolution at the end, I felt there were enough challenges laid out during the course of the post for the protagonist to have gone through some kind of transformative process in dealing with them. Nice world-building details, too.

I look forward to reading your next post. Good job!

Ditto what Livia said about the conflict. I think this could be developed into a much longer post, or maybe even a series.

I do think you might want to take a closer look at your structure, though. The five paragraph approach is done so often in schools that it's really hard to do anything original.

Overall though, I'm really liking your protagonist, and I feel very sympathetic for the struggles he's going through.

Morning writing rules!

*grin*

Hey ... are you guys also at Clarion? Or am I wayyyy too green?

MISTER Wilsonnn ... you trained for a marathonnn. You can also do thisss.

Well, as long as y'all like the protagonist, I figure the rest will take care of itself.

Hey Alan. Livia, Sveta, and Aimee above are with me at Clarion. Jim's the author of the fantasy novel Goblin Quest, and he'll be dropping by to talk to the Clarion Class later this summer.

You can find links to all of their websites/blogs here:
http://www.alexwilson.com/projects/journal/clarion_2006_of.php

Alex.