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![]() (just the) "Brain Injury" Entries For Christmas 2007 I received a car accident and a mild traumatic brain injury (thanks, Santa!) and almost a year later I'm still dealing with something called "post concussion syndrome." Not the most fun part of this blog, and apparently no good as a legal defense if I decide to send Santa some payback this December. Disconnect June 1, 2009 No real way to look at my brain healing progress test results as positive news, and no real advantage to looking at them as negative. Not giving up or anything (though I think I've had enough of failing different medications), but I need to focus on what my options are, what kind of life I want to/can have should this be the norm from now on, as well as how to pay for continuing treatment. I've been treating my brain injury as an obstacle, doing almost every reasonable thing I can to maximize my chances of recovery, but I haven't figured out how to live with it. Just so sick of not being able to rely on my own body and sick of it being such a big part of my identity. So I'm unplugging best I can, and I'll be even less available online than I have been lately, at least through the end of the year. Tidbits before I disappear: Wiscon was amazing. Met so many cool new people, but in spite of being in bed by ten most nights and other precautions, I got sick again at almost the exact same time as last year SUnday afternoon. I'll have to make even bigger leaps in my healing progress before I commit to returning next year. Missing my own reading and one of my panels Monday was just too embarrassing. Or would have been, had I been there. No, still embarrassing. Among the wonderful people I met this year but kinda already knew online was my Thoughtcrime Experiments editor Sumana Harihareswara, who let me know that Erica Naone reviewed my story (along with all the others in the online anthology), calling my Mrs. Claus "one of the most badass characters I have ever read." Thanks, Erica! One blessing since the accident has been the others with mild traumatic brain injuries who have contacted me with their frustrations and I've been able to at least point them toward a book I found by sheer luck (researching a science fiction brain story in the library): Brainlash by Gail L. Denton. Almost everything I've learned in the last eighteen months was either directly or indirectly because of this book. Even the typeface and linespacing are designed to increase let those of us who have trouble reading (more than a few paragraphs in one sitting) focus on it a little longer, and it remains the one non-audio book I've been able to get all the way through since the accident (not that I've retained much; might have to start it again this week). So if you have an MTBI or PCS (post concussion syndrome) and most of the other resources you've found are rightfully dedicated to more severe brain injuries, this might be the book you're looking for. I'll continue to check email (alex AT alexwilson DOT com is the one that gets the least amount of spam, thanks), pop in for occasional Twitter conversations (and I don't autofollow, so, please let me know if I should be following you back, oh friends with obscure usernames), put up free Creative Commons audio as their five years are up at Telltale (including The War of the Worlds last week, yo!), and check messages/requests on Facebook once a month or so. But if you've posted something on LiveJournal or any other site, chances are pretty good that I've missed it. And I'll try to break silence and post here again when/if I have big news because I still have a backlog of writing I'm trying to sell, even if the new stuff is coming achingly slowly. Yes, still writing and trying to read every day. And when I come back, we can talk about that instead of brain injuries, cool? Be well.
Wiscon 33 Schedule May 14, 2009 Memorial Day weekend (May 22-25, 2009): Program can change, but the schedule is public. We'll get there Friday night and leave Monday afternoon, I think. I'll be posting my whereabouts frequently on Twitter (@alexotica) if you're trying to find me or (I'm guessing) look for the #wiscon tag to keep track of more than just me over Memorial Day weekend. But I'm kinda required to show up for these: Saturday 10AM Joss Whedon's Dollhouse with Jenny Sessions, Sigrid J. Ellis, Britt Flokstra, Annalee Newitz, Deb Stone, and Alex Wilson. This one should be fun. Sunday 1PM The Obligatory Workshop Panel with Keffy R.M. Kehrli, Julie Andrews, Erin Cashier, Tina Connolly, Alex Wilson. I'm a late edition to this one, but I should be able to remember some of what happened at Clarion. Monday 8:30AM Tech Tools For Writers with Morven Westfield, Kelly Jones, S. N. Arly, Caroline Stevermer, and Alex Wilson. I might end up talking more about brainhacks, if the more traditional tools I'm using are as well covered as I think they are. Monday 10AM SFPA Reading with F. J. Bergmann, Sandra J. Lindow, and Alex Wilson. Haven't decided what pieces I'll do yet, but I'm convinced that readings should be fun. Very cool: for the second year in a row (and my second time attending the con), a former Cajun Sushi Hamster (my old critique group) is guest of honor: Maureen McHugh last year, and Ellen Klages, this. Go Cleveland. With Trinic-con canceled and uncertainty about my brain injury, this is the only con I'll be doing this year. And afterwards, I expect to be available online even less than I have been, while I catch up on Telltale and other projects, figure out what I can and should be doing during this stage of healing, etc. FWIW I have started to grow my hair out, but haven't decided whether I'll still have it by the end of the month. Looking forward to seeing people! 3-15-09 ETA: I've been added to the workshop panel on Sunday.
Spoils of Springfield in Shimmer #10, out now! Plus an Interview! Exclamation point! April 1, 2009 Shimmer #10 is out now, and includes a pseudo-early story of mine "Spoils of Springfield," which is kinda my first attempt at zombie fiction, but not really because it cleverly fails to satisfy any of those things readers look for in their zombie fiction. Yes, it's a complete mystery why I don't sell more fiction, why do you ask? ![]() There's also an online interview with me, which was conducted over email shortly after my brain injury. I vaguely recall being hesitant to answer any questions for public record at the time because I was so uncertain of what would come out of my mouth, but then I realized that many of the first interviews I read as a kid were with musicians who were coked out of their skulls and I turned out okay. The issue is available via subscription, individual issue, or (and they don't do this every ish) free PDF. I've long been a subscriber to Shimmer and I'm so happy to finally be a part of it. And thanks to the crack editorial staff for confronting me during copyedits about my compulsive overuse of hyphens. I've been clean for almost three paragraphs now.
New Phone, Twitter Bidness and Future Dumping March 13, 2009 When I signed up for Twitter in August, I saw great potential for use in the future (especially for finding people at cons/on the road), but right then it seemed like just one more thing to keep track of. But at the end of last month, I upgraded phones to something that can do Twitter, and--just in time for Jon Stewart & co. to make fun of me for jumping onto a fad--I'm finding it useful now. The brain injury is what makes this interesting. Yes, it's perfect for my attention span--I currently have trouble processing long blog entries I want to read, and writing them can exhaust me. And yes, making my less filtered thoughts so accessible is more likely to attract train wreck fetishists than friends and readers. Still. Though this lowers the barriers of entry to communicate with my online friends and peers, I'll have to be careful. But I look at it as a way to jump in and out of conversations as my energy levels and processing abilities permit. No scheduled chats, and less pressure to keep track of everything that was previously written (I say "less" because I'm a too much of a completist to not want the whole story.) And--while Twitter's not meant to be a permanent archive or anything--my memory sucks right now. Which means I don't remember who I've told what to and where. So there's going to be twitterdumps/crossposting involved for my benefit more than for anyone else's, to alexotica.livejournal.com, but not to alexwilson.com/journal/ (which is what LJ mirrors for me). Most people can keep reading/ignoring how they are now. But I know not everybody likes Twitterdumps (I tend to skip over them myself), so if this is something you just don't want as part of my blog, you can pick your poison: http://alexotica.livejournal.com - Journal with commenting, includes Twitterdumps. (RSS Feed) http://www.alexwilson.com - Journal with no commenting, no Twitterdumps. Some basic tagging. (RSS Feed) LJ Syndicated Feed of original blog without Twitterdumps. (where I won't see comments, but hey it's still LiveJournal) http://twitter.com/alexotica/ - My Twitter feed only (@alexotica) Enjoy or ignore.
Deviated Septum FTW! February 6, 2009 Yay! Yes, this is another medical post, but I've been refraining from posting until I have something positive to talk about, so... GOOD NEWS TIME! I almost never got sick before the brain injury. Then it took me five weeks to recover from my WisCon-induced cold and I'm now starting month _four_ of yet another sinus sickness, instigated by a cold, but exacerbated/perpetuated by the ticcy ticcy side effects of drugs my brain specialist wanted me to try. Boo. My general practitioners have taken an antibiotics-or-nothing approach, which hasn't been the straw that broke the cold's back either time. And I don't have an infection now. So I skipped another trip to the GP and went to an ENT yesterday, confirming one of the many things I asked my other doctors about last year. ALEX: "Could I have a deviated septum? I was in a car crash, after all." DOCTOR: "I can't understand what you're saying. You must have a deviated septum." ALEX: "Really?" DOCTOR: "Ha ha. No." Well, it turns out I do have a deviated septum. Which of course doesn't make my doctors incompetent or my injured brain functional. It just means that one of my questions wasn't as stupid as the rest, but--by the time I got to it--they were done listening for the two times a day this stopped clock was going to be right. I'm excited. Happy. Because it's a problem more manageable than the assumed "weakened immune system since the accident" status quo, just part of the guesswork and hope that make up the entirety of my brain injury treatment. DOCTOR: "Now we'll try this prescription drug that's so similar to meth it's scary." ALEX: "Will it help?" DOCTOR: "Ha ha. Dunno." But a deviated septum? That's even got the hint of a "Theory of Everything" answer to maybe more than just these sinus issues of the last year (the longevity and frequency; yeah, I still would've caught some/all of these colds and such without a deviated septum). Not only is breathing important to every aspect of of groundbound life (which you never understood, Aquaman, and that's why we never worked as a couple) but we don't know whether the deviation formed slowly over time, or was for certain damaged in the accident 13 months ago. If the former (perhaps instigated by a broken nose in high school, the cause of which I can't recall, your honor), then that might even explain why it took me so long to shake my Clarion crud in 2006 and some of my (assumed just stress-related) health issues in the year before the accident, which means I'm not just becoming a fragile old man! I'll stop short of believing it could be a contributor to my slow progress in recovering from the brain injury, but the brain _is_ a needy crybaby when it comes to oxygen. (STFU Aquaman. Nobody's forcing you to read my blog. Stalker.) Haven't decided how I'll take care of it. Probably surgery, because I have that intense dislike of taking drugs--doubly so when all they do is treat the symptoms. Not happy about the surgery, but I'm not happy about the feeling sick all the time, either. But it'll be nice to figure out how to breathe clearly again, so I can refocus my efforts on how to think clearly again. And here I've been reducing and eliminating the last of my bad eating/health habits in hope of improving my health? All those vegetables and fish died for like no reason! I'll apologize to the plants tonight. Aquaman, will you talk to your friends for me? AQUAMAN: "Well, look who's suddenly returning my calls now that he needs something..." ALEX: "Would you like to discuss it over steak and corn syrup?" AQUAMAN: "Ha ha. Score."
Tale of Two Hard Drives December 30, 2008 So two hard drives failed beyond recovery in the past week (well, beyond recovery that doesn't include giving a thousand bucks to recovery specialists, that is). I'm not superstitious or anything, but the fact that my recent spat of medical calamity and other hellishness started on the morning of January 1, 2007, right as my Campbell Award clock started ticking, is not lost on me. So should things start to look up after tomorrow night? And if so, does that mean the economy's my fault as well? When our credit card number was stolen last Tuesday (exactly a year after my accident, wouldn't you know, and I got the call from the bank within a few minutes of when I was flipping my car in 2007), it reminded me how I used to do a nuke and pave reinstall of all my computer system software and workfiles every three months or so when I was running Windows, mostly for speed improvements but also to keep malware at bay. On the Mac, the slowdowns come, well, slower, so there's not that incentive there, but it's not impossible for a keystroke logger to make it onto my machine. So of course in the middle of the reinstall, one of my backup drives has to go and not work anymore. I do backup the essential stuff regularly, but this is an external drive I don't really have a system in place for. I mainly used it for working on files too big for my laptop, so my comics projects are all on hold until I get a replacement (which I won't get until after the replacement credit card arrives, grr). What stinks is I don't know the whole extent of what I lost. Now, that's not entirely the fault of my (human) memory. I was in the middle of doing that reinstall (and, after working for days on trying to bring this drive back to life, I kind of still am in the middle of it), and before that I'd been sorting and moving a bunch of things to it, getting ready to burn backups of (mostly) nonessentials. The big thing I do remember and am kicking myself for: after a year of light Telltale releases, I finally had enough uncompressed source audio to fill a DVD, and had moved (and deleted) all those files from other drives a day before to consolidate them together in a 4.2 gig folder on the dearly departed drive, ready to burn both backups and redundants of that important folder... Thankfully, the other one was the Tivo, which I realize we've had for six years and I've had to replace the drive every two years almost exactly. We're looking at it as a good excuse to pull the plug on cable TV (and probably sell the Tivo once I get the still-under-warranty replacement drive from Maxtor). We got cable in the first place because when we finally hooked up to broadband, there was a deal to get TV on the cheap, and we liked what we'd seen of The Sopranos on DVD and of The Daily Show in hotel rooms. But Sopranos has long been over (as has our too-brief subscription to HBO), the costs have steadily increased, and I realized a few months ago that--even if you include the broadcast TV and PBS stuff we try to catch--we could get everything a la carte on iTunes for almost a tenth of the monthly cost of cable TV. I'll miss the films on IFC and some of the syndicated shows we're finally catching, but it's nothing that upping our Netflix subscription to more than the current $4.99 plan wouldn't fix. Time Warner service has been spotty at best anyway, enough so that we thought the ending to The Sopranos was just another poorly timed hiccup. Happens during The Office all the time. My, we've come a long way. Sure, I bought a TV after graduating from college so I could watch films, but it wasn't until September 11, 2001 that I even picked up an antenna on my way home from work so I could catch the news, see what was going on in the world (I think I was still with NetZero for internet at the time, which was still free at the time, and still worth every other penny at the time). In a few months, I'll probably be buying an antenna again after the HD changeover, but what's the hurry? Now we're talking about going to the same Indian restaurant we went to on New Year's Eve 2006, and going with the same couple, too. Do-Over? or Do-You-Have-Any-Brains-Left-At-All-Over? We've eaten there many times since, without event. On the bright side, I'm almost over the latest bout of notwellness, ready to give 2009 an uncontaminated kiss and hug hello, as long as it doesn't arrive too late. I do have to be in bed by ten, you know...
Back Soon December 12, 2008 A lot to talk about, but the last six weeks or so I've been beaten by some bad reactions to medications that are supposed to help with the MTBI symptoms, followed by some bad withdrawals. I've got three more I'm supposed to try, but I think I need to detox until the new year. Back shortly. Thanks. - The Management.
LEGO: Black Santa vs Ninja-Powered Evil Car November 20, 2008 (Just getting over yet another multi-week sickness. Eh. Looks like my brain's not my only fragile bodypart since the accident. I expect to surface more regularly in December.) I made this a while back for a Eurobricks contest, in which we created/imagined our own Lego product lines as though this crazy Capcom box was part of a new series. Click for larger pix. Theme: MIDLEGO CRISIS WARS Set: Black Santa vs Ninja-Powered Evil Car MSRP: $35 Pieces: 361 Description: No one is safe! Rocket will kill Santa! Seven minifigs and motorcycle! Go Santa Go! I did this when I was still learning how to photograph on the small Lego scale with my (admittedly decent) point-and-shoot, so the rest of the photos look worse than the above wide shot. But here's a view of the car's interior along with the bare-chested cowboy villain of the piece.
Mind Racing October 20, 2008 Took me a while, but this weekend I did my first thirty-minute continuous run in almost ten months. While the main reason I've been running is to increase my energy levels post-accident, I have to admit it was higher than expected bodyfat and BMI (because the bodyfat scale's rather cheap) that's been a big recent motivator. I've never had great metabolism, but before the head injury I could stay reasonably healthy with mile+ walks almost every day and one or two intense workouts per week. Just bad luck that my being unable to do much more than walks for an extended period just so happened to hit at that early-thirties time in a man' s life when he's no longer in his twenties. This was not as obvious as one would think. I haven't decided whether or when I'll try again to train for a marathon. Now's probably not the best time, but I'm probably going to move toward a running schedule designed to establish an aerobic base for it, if only because I do much better when I have direction/goals in mind. And I guess the biggest goal right now is life extension. My dad died at 53, his dad at 54. Time's finite. If this year's a wash creatively, maybe I can give myself a do-over. Got a nice comment from a reader last week about someone going through something similar with her head. She's in year three out of (a neuropsychologist-predicted) five (five!) year healing process, which is both daunting and encouraging, since my doctors/neurologists so far have only said "it takes as long as it takes," but I'll finally see a neuropsychiatrist (or neuropsychologist; can't remember which) this week.
WotF: Finally a Finalist! September 16, 2008 I'm currently one of eight finalist in the Writers of the Future contest, 2008Q3 (quarter ending June 30, 2008). I'll find out in the next month or so whether I've won. Got the call last night from Joni Labaqui, and she posted the results a few hours later. How do we feel about this? ![]() ...except with less beard because I don't have a beard these days. This is the story I was working on and hoping to finish when I had my mild traumatic brain injury last December (err, welcome, new readers!). The story was probably 80% completed then, and with medicinal amounts of caffeine and working in short bursts, it took me another six months to finish. I first entered WotF in December 1998. This was my 20th entry over the past 9.5 years, and my first time ever getting past the first reader/coordinating judge (formerly Algis Budrys, currently K.D. Wentworth), who reads and sorts everything, and passes only the finalists on to other judges. My current tally is... 8 nonplacers 9 honorable mentions/quarterfinalists 2 semifinalists 1 finalist (or better!) And I believe I'm one "pro" sale away from being disqualified for the contest.
Spoken Alexandria podcast returns (finally) September 15, 2008 Finished my first narration since the accident! ![]() Bulfinch's Mythology, Chapter 4, in which we learn...
So... ten months between chapters. I'm not up to doing these weekly or anything yet, but it shouldn't be long before the next one.
O Soft, Fragile Thing in My Skull September 9, 2008 So it is a terrible idea--as my brain is still healing and my emotions are harder to control--that the majority of my contact with the outside world consists of rejection letters?
My Brain Is Your Stock Market August 8, 2008 So my "good days, bad days" answer to "how are you" doesn't cover it anymore, now that I'm seeing some patterns, getting a handle on the specifics of my symptoms. I've just come out of a two week slump which was starting to make me think I was doing worse than ever. It's now been seven months since my head injury. I'm reading/flipping through Gail L Denton's Brainlash again. This year, it's the only book I've been able to (slowly, missing much) get through, cover to cover. I'm reading it again because (a) the library only had an earlier edition, and now I've got the latest one and (b) I don't remember what it said the first time around. While "good days, bad days" is generally true, there are also good weeks and bad weeks for my brain, and good and bad brain days within (and relative to) both of those. But, according to the books, this is normal, and I should view bad weeks as "resting on the road to recovery" rather than backslidery. Fair enough. So my brain's like the stock market. Fluctuates day to day, and even has longer periods of decline. But even taking into consideration the down-months and even down-years (talking about the stock market here, hopefully not my brain), there should be an overall uptick. So here's where I am, roughly...
Continue reading "My Brain Is Your Stock Market" Filed Under: Brain Injury, Journal, Pity Party, Writing Life Telltale Audio - July 2008 August 1, 2008 ![]() Last month (okay, last night) in spoken word audio, Telltale returned with three elephant tales by Rudyard Kipling, narrated and selected by Robert Bethune. Includes "The Elephant's Child" (1902), "Moti Guj Mutineer" (1891), and "Toomai of the Elephants" (1894) in DRM-free MP3, AAC, and Ogg Vorbis formats. Enjoy! The PCS-induced hiatus has been broken! I hope this is the resumption of at least twice-monthly Telltale releases for the remainder of the year. Thanks for your patience.
WisCon 2008: Best Mistake Evar! May 31, 2008 So WisCon was probably a mistake, healthwise. I was beat even before my reading Friday night, and compromised my immune system so quickly and thoroughly that I caught a bug probably from the first hands I ![]() The Clarion 2006 partial reunion. Photo courtesy of Vince, who has a larger version (and his own blog about WisCon) here ![]() Alex does his, um, reading? as JoSelle looks on in horror. ![]() Is Will testing the camera? Or is the camera testing Will? ![]() This made me sad. And I don't think I made a fool of myself too often throughout the rest of the con, though I don't think I've ever felt so self-conscious as I debated with each interaction: do I bring up the brain injury and risk looking like a sympathy whore or do I let this person walk away assuming I'm just a flaky dumbass? Tried both. Felt like a tool either way. Gonna sign me up for next year and see what WisCon's like coherent. And it'd be nice to actually go to more panels, readings, and parties than I reluctantly miss out on. *Watched Recount. Brilliant performances, except for the cringeworthy Gore and Bush impersonators. Overall, allowed me to relive that unique visceral disheartenment of 2000. So... thanks, HBO!
In Which William S Burroughs Calls Me a Pussy May 6, 2008 It occurs to me that I talk about caffeine in the same way that real writers talk about heroin. I've seen a neurologist. I have post-concussion syndrome. What a relief, just having a name for it. No consensus on prognosis, because the brain's such a crazy place and no head injury is exactly alike. I've definitely shown improvement since December (yay!) but most people show more or complete improvement by now (boo! I mean: good for them, but boo on my own progress). "It takes as long as it takes," is both the general and the Alex-specific prediction, which is exactly as much as I knew before seeing the neurologist, which makes the neurologist bill that much more of a joy to pay. Studies vary, but it looks like I have a 90%+ chance of fully recovering by the end of the year, and there isn't anything I can do to increase those chances or hurry it up. I'm assuming they've considered heroin. Had some dental surgery in the meantime. As long as I'm useless/recovering, might as well be entirely useless/recovering all at once. Among the problems with my teeth: I've had two baby teeth in my mouth with no adults ever growing underneath to usurp them, so those babies have been ready to go for a few decades now. I have had them pulled and have begun the 16-week implants process. I should probably figure out whether pudding qualifies as a liquid before I get on my plane to WisCon, huh? Probably should've waited until the post-surgery drugs wore off before this unaffiliated citizen early-voted in his first ever Democratic primary, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do...
Algernon for Alex April 16, 2008 I liked this better when it was written by Daniel Keyes. Yeah, I was doing better for a while there, huh? If any of my previous journal entries or emails or conversations have been coherent, gotta give props to medicinal amounts of caffeine. Phasing that out again has been like watching my IQ drop to day-after-head-injury levels again. With less-to-no caffeine, doing this whole listening-to-my-body song and dance, my brain gets taxed very quickly, so things like working on my taxes (there's a pun there, but I can't make the words go where they should go) for half an hour or conversations with insurance providers have exhausted me for most of the rest of the day. I've sent out emails, called people back, when I can, but I'm still pretty far behind there. Monday I bumped my head in the shower. I've bumped my head half a dozen times on the small doorframe of the Prius since February, and even with caffeine it always makes me useless and nauseated for the rest of the day. This was a worse bump, but I managed to get taxes and Telltale contributor payments out at least. Still not feeling so good. Something fun tomorrow or Friday, we'll see how I'm feeling. Seeing a neurologist next week, so let's talk about other things until then.
Incremental Soldiering March 9, 2008 Obligatory head injury tag. My friend Steve turned me on to Jimmy Amadie, a jazz pianist with tendinitis and nerve damage so severe that he's "unable to play for more than five or six minutes at a time, on a piano whose keys are specially weighted to cushion his touch" (from a review of Amadie's Savoring Every Note). It'll take two years of working in these increments before he'll compose, record, and finish his album. With considerably less talent and with large concentrations of caffeine, I can manufacture (almost consistently) a similarly short period of relative lucidity/productivity each day, so I can steal back my productivity from the twin gods of STFU and Convalesce. This is how I've technically written something every day this year with unbelievably little to show for it. This is because the same rules apply as before the head injury: some writing days are (relative) winners, most aren't. It's just that now the writing windows are smaller and foggier. I'm never near my peak performance. And for the most part, words and thoughts still just won't do what I want them to do. Stupid words and thoughts. Would I be the first to write with colors? Not entirely convinced these last ten (!) weeks wouldn't have been just as well served had I purchased a video game console in December, but I have trouble seeing the difference between that and giving up. I owe too much of my sanity and identity to reading and writing. And if I understand correctly (and ha! that's unlikely these days), the athlete who fully rests after an injury comes back nowhere nearly as strong as the one who works at rehabilitation, pushes herself, and exercises those stubborn muscles. Which brings up the big assumption: that I'll come back from this. Except for those caffeine-grabbed moments (which hell can't be good for me in the long run), my ability to think clearly is worse even than it was last month. Now, that could be a perceptual issue; of course normal seems worse compared to the caffeine high. But even if I'm not getting worse, it's become pretty hard to believe I'm still getting better. Even assuming I could be good at something else... it's only because I've put nine years into it that I'm on cusp of being good at writing. My father died at 53 (and his father at 52), so that doesn't give me a lot of time to practice a second calling. On the other hand? If I'm ten years away from making headway on my next big pursuit? I should probably get started on that ASAP, huh?
2008 Submission Log Weeks 7-9 March 3, 2008 Submissions 498-507 Fantasy (my 4th sub there) McSweeney's (Quarterly) (6th) McSweeney's (Books) (1st) Zombie Inside (1st) One Story (1st) Weird Tales (8th) Silly Fantasy (1st) Glimmer Train (4th) ChiZine (5th) Eclipse Two (2nd) Apex (2nd) Rejections 356-368 Tin House (68 days) Pseudopod (2 months) F&SF 9 days) Zombie Inside (1 day) The First Line (18 days) F&SF (9 days) Writers of the Future (48 days) Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award (Semifinalist, 134 days) SFReader Contest (50 days) Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine (74 days) Fantasy (20 days) Mythic Delirium (55 days) ChiZine (2 days) Eclipse Two (22 days) Of Interest My 500th sub was to One Story. Here's my Zombie Inside thing, with more info. Looks like I won't be able to vote in yet another SFWA election. Even if I made my third SFWA-qualifying sale today, I doubt I'd get the contracts in in time. Still having a lot of trouble with the head injury thing, but I'll talk about some ways I've been able to adjust this week. I have a bad feeling this is gonna be with me for some time, so... Since I get new emails about it with every mention (and keeping up with email is difficult for me, even if the emails are absolutely appreciated), let's just make a brain injury tag. February was almost entirely spent on a story for Shimmer's "Clockwork Jungle" issue. I wasn't able to get it to a nice enough draft to submit, but that could've been the case even if I was at peak performance and actually could read the entire 2-2.5k word drafts in three sittings or fewer.
Head Still Attached February 18, 2008 I'm doing better gradually, and I'm mostways able to function like a normal person in spite of my focus issues. Reading and writing are the last holdouts. I've been reading Raymond Carver's intro to John Gardner's On Becoming a Novelist over and over, and I'm able to get to the end without forgetting what I've read only when I tackle it in two and three paragraph chunks over the course of several days. Went for my first brief run since the accident. I haven't been in this out of shape since the days after Clarion (when my pathetic ten runs and minimal pushups/situps over six weeks conspired with the quality of campus protein and veggies to sacrifice to the Clarion gods any muscle mass I pretended to have). I'm hoping the current 24-hour headache, worst in at least a few weeks, is unrelated to the workout; my body can't take much more inactivity, and walking just isn't scratching that itch anymore. One of the things I can do: Clean out my junk mail folder for the first time in a while. Best find: "Turn $2400 into $1000!" It's like they're not even trying anymore... Oh and memory. Memory's another holdout and, no, I'm not just being cute. I thought of memory only after checking and rechecking this entry for grammatical errors. Guess I could have inserted it in the first paragraph, but okay maybe I am being cute. Maybe I can't help being cute. It's a burden, really.
Balcony Scream from Romeo and Julienned Brainstuff February 15, 2008 In my ongoing hunt for bitty projects I can actually work on while still dealing with my head injury (focus problems, mostly), I sent this little piece of reanimated iambic pentameter to Zombie Idol yesterday. Didn't make the cut, so here's the only other thing I can think of doing with it... Balcony Scream from Romeo and Julienned Brainstuff by Wild Bill Shakespeare and Alex Wilson (glorified typist) But crunch! What scent through yonder cranium wafts? It is fresh meat! And Juliet, the meatbox! Arise, ye mostly dead, and cleave the skull Whose cup o'erflows with that electric food Which sparks our own undeadly minds to move. O be not gentle with that pretty flesh Or vestal liver tempting freshly greens Away from grayer matters. Spit it out! We seek the brainstuff! O, the one true meat! O, all she's ever known must wet our teeth! She screams, her tongue insipid and distracting. (I'll yet bite, though tongue's a waste of gnashing.) FWIW, they're still looking for entries for "round two." Alls you do is insert a zombie into a good text and try and make it gooder.
2008 Submission Log Weeks 3 and 4 January 30, 2008 Submissions 482-492 Clarkesworld (my 5th sub there) Shadowline/Image (1st few subs) Apex (1st) Highlights for Children (2nd) OSC's IGMS (4th) Nathan Bransford's Surprisingly Essential First Page Challenge (1st) The First Line (1st) Rejections 340-345 Aeon (51 days) Helix (just a few hours) Space & Time (exactly 2 months) Apex (8 days) OSC's IGMS (exactly 3 months, as usual IIRC) Fantasy (26 days) Of Interest: From Cat Rambo @ Fantasy: "This was close, but in the end we've decided to pass." Noooo! Found out about this contest too late to do much damage myself, but for those interested: Shadowline/Image is looking for pitches until the end of the month for a 3-issue miniseries. Found out about it by happy accident as I'm preparing a regular sub to Shadowline presently. A pox upon my fellow aspiring comics writers who were being so tightlipped about it! Not very sporting, is it? Not that I'm any better help, a day before the deadline... Link to the Nathan Bransford contest. I entered the first page of Pinocchio is Punching You. And, yes, if most of my other journal entries this month haven't made it clear, Pinocchio's a current semifinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award (ABNA). Not too unproductive a month for a guy who has trouble reading his own journal entries once they get this long. I pushed myself a little too hard in the last few days working on the above comic book pitches and a musical treat which I hope to release tomorrow. I'm hoping that's the reason I'm so exhausted, and it's not that my head's getting worse.
Three Things I Woulda Done Differently... January 23, 2008 ...had I known I'd still be recovering from this head injury a month later.
(There are times when I feel like I'm myself again, and I feel like my mind should be able to do everything it used to do... but I'm quickly proven wrong, and I think that's the most frustrating thing. Recovery is gradual, but it's happening. Most importantly: focus is starting to improve. I'm able to read up to a page at a time before--usually--needing to start over. And if I can write an entire story in under 300 words, I can often keep all the threads in my head at one time. So... outlining and writing up pitches, mostly. A journal entry like this one will now take me less than half an hour, and I'll catch more typos now. So watch out, world! Alex'll be back in the game before you ooooh look a shiny penny!)
And We Got a Little Red Prius January 21, 2008 ![]() As soon as I'm driving again, this is what I'll drive. (And as soon as I get my camera back, I'll take a real picture.)
2007 Submission Log: Week 52! The Year is Dead! Long Live the Year! January 10, 2008 Submissions 469-475 Murky Depths (my 3rd and 4th subs there) SFReader.com Contest (2nd) Mineshaft (1-3rd) Writers of the Future (18th, yes, 18th) Rejection 334 Weird Tales (my 6th) Of Interest: I put out 148* submissions in 2007, a personal record but nothing to be admired. As I talked about here, it's been more an act of desperation than one of dedication. Glad to have gotten through it with what little progress I was able to make. Feels unreal to still be talking about 2007, when the whole year is (literally) fuzzy in my mind. I'm already into the first submissions, rejections and acceptance (I'll share tomorrow) of 2008, and I'm dizzy just writing what I've written so far for this entry (recovering slowly, but recovering; again, more later). I spent about three hours trying to focus on an interview questions yesterday for the Shimmer story and almost gave up. But then I thought: the first interviews I ever read were with 80s musicians coked out of their skulls; how unintelligible could I possibly be? Mineshaft's in Durham! How come nobody told me? Due to a clerical error on my part, my Writers of the Future entry count is up by two this quarter instead of one. The entry went MIA when I switched tracking methods a few years back, and I was all "this is my sixth or seventh" entry and I went ahead and marked it as a sixth. So my new tally.... Pending: 1 Nonplacers: 7 Honorable Quarterfinalists: 8 Semifinalists: 2 Finalists: 0 Superfinalists: 0 What's a superfinalist? How the hell should I know, with crappy numbers like these? In the interesting-to-nobody-else-but-me department, this does mean I've entered an average of twice per year for nine years. That's once a year at first, eventually upping to quarterly as my eligible days start to number. I have some hopes for 2008, the year my writing/submitting life turns ten (November) and my submission count will likely hit 500. Not a lot of hopes. But some. Don't ask me how long it took to write this. Gonna go lie down now. * Corrected from 147. Two lines in my tracking file got combined. I know nobody cares but me, but if it's worth tracking, it's worth tracking correctly.
Not Brain Damage Yet January 1, 2008 (From the literature:) Following this type of head injury, headaches, nausea, inability to concentrate/focus, etc. may linger for a few days, weeks, or longer... Most of it's dealable, but it's been a week+ and the last one is killing me. A big part of writing, especially storytelling, is keeping multiple trains of thought going at once, both on a sentence level and and on a greater story-construction level. It's at the point where by the end of a paragraph I've lost everything I set out to do with the first word. Last journal entry took me over an hour. Had to give up on multiple stories that were so close to being done for a few Dec 31 deadlines, self-imposed and otherwise. Sending an older story to Writers of the Future, even a strong one, always feels like a defeat to me. Unproductive is the hardest feeling to deal with. ...but the brain damage is rarely permanent. The FUCK did you just say? I currently have brain damage but it's probably only temporary? And this is how you break it to a guy who constantly feels he's missing something: as an aside, like it's already been established, like we've been talking about brain damage all along, so he has to re-read all this passive-aggressive literature just to know he's not also suffering from memory loss? If only I'da known I had temporary brain damage a week ago. I've seen Law & Order. I could've gotten away with so much stuff over the holidays. I hear bank robbing does wonders for headaches and nausea.
Almost Made It December 27, 2007 So black ice is real. I lived most of my life on northern Ohio roads. When it comes to ice and similar hazards, I'm an annoyingly cautious driver. Sure, I've pulled myself out of fishtails, and I've pushed myself out of snowy ditches. But black ice? Where the first sign of anything slippery is a complete loss of traction? I've only hit black ice exactly once now: it was Sunday night, coming up 77 from Carrboro, North Carolina to Akron, Ohio, in the last half hour of a nine-hour solo drive. ![]() But once is enough, eh? The driver who stopped and called an ambulance for me said I rolled twice, but I blacked out too soon to corroborate that. Walked away with nothing more than bruises and a mild head injury, if any head injury can be mild. Head's still swollen. Still can't focus for long periods, or stay awake for the better part of the day. But that'll get better. The Honda CR-V's finished after taking the worst of it (2000-2007 with just under 160K miles on it; airbag never deflated, but it saved my life regardless). Got sick of picking broken glass out of my beard, so that's gone, too. My glasses were torn off me in the crash, but better torn outward than inward, I guess. So the year ends the same way it begins, with an ambulance ride to the emergency room. Wheeee! I'm thinking 2008 must have something pretty wild in store, if 2007 is that adamant about keeping us from seeing it. But we're alive. We're happy. We're blessed. Drive safely, all!
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Alex Wilson writes fiction and comics in Carrboro, NC. His work has appeared/will appear in Asimov's Science Fiction, The Rambler, LCRW, Weird Tales, The Florida Review, Futurismic, ChiZine, Pif, and Dragon. Locus Magazine has called him a "promising new writer," and Publishers Weekly also has nice things to say. Alex runs the audiobook project/podcast Telltale Weekly and the writer wiki Guidevines. He publishes the minicomic/zine Inconsequential Art. He is a 2006 Clarion graduate. Blog Archives 2008 - Clever Label TBA 2007 - BadYearNoCookie 2006 - Clarion! 1st Pro Sale! 2005 - Peers and Peerless 2004 - Telltale Launch 2003 - Dog bites, acting out 2002 - In my mind, I'm going... 2001 - Marriage, Macs, 1st Cons 2000 - Setback, Milestones 1999 - Engaged, Graduated 1998 - Creative Independence Powered by MT 3.35 MySpace Profile Technorati Profile |
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