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Acting Again (My First Film Role pt 3 of 5)
June 5, 2003

(Selected republication of old entries from the pre-Movable Type journal...)

First, the headshot. The audition announcement asked that a headshot and resume be mailed by the end of the week for an appointment. I did not yet have a headshot, as I thought I had another month before I'd need one. I called around, and Sears Portraits was the only photo place that could give me something the same day. The photographer said he could give me a mediocre computer print that day, and he could put the pictures on disk so I could print out an 8x10 myself if I wanted. And he would give me a copyright release (so I could reproduce the image as often as I needed). The guy I talked to said he had a lot of experience in actor headshots. I figured it would at least be cheap (it was) and the Sears headshot would serve me well for half a year anyway until I had the time and inkling to get a real headshot done by someone who knew what s/he was doing. That might mean a drive to New York City, or it might mean a few weeks of research visiting local photographers. I just didn't know. This was a new business for me.

I set up an appointment with Sears and started regretting it almost as soon as I entered the studio.

"Tilt your head to the side and put your finger on your chin. There, that's a real dramatic pose."

"I don't want a dramatic pose; I want an actor headshot."

"But don't you think that looks dramatic?" It was clear the photographer knew even less about headshots than I did, and that said a great deal. I was wearing a dark tee shirt and he kept switching my background to black--even after I said I didn't want a black background. "But it really pulls focus to your face," he kept saying.

So a few of the shots didn't look too bad--though not even close to what a headshot should look like. The best shot of the bunch unfortunately had a black background, but I figured what I looked like mattered more than the background. So I asked for an 8x10 printout of that shot, and planned to order an 8x10 good print from the lab. That's when the real trouble started. I hope I can remember all this right, because I'm sure it'll be funny to people other than me.

He said he couldn't print out an 8x10, but he could print out a 5x7. I asked him why he told me on the phone he could print out an 8x10. He said he could print it out on 8x10 paper, but it would be a 5x7 and I could blow it up to 8x10. After thinking about it--a little incredulous, a little helpless--I said sure, go ahead. I thought maybe I could scan it, blow it up just a little (going from 300dpi to 200dpi or something) to make it closer to an 8x10 with a sizeable white border. Then I discovered that he couldn't print out just the image. He began cycling through balloon cutouts and picture frame/flower cutouts which have my headshot inserted into them, and, best of all, each one of these "scenes" covered up part of the image when printed. He said a few of them don't obstruct the image that much and that I could crop around it and then blow it up. I said I was already going to blow up a 5x7 to an 8x10 and he wanted me to make the original even smaller and blow it up even more? The photographer was completely unable to make a printout without using one of these "fun" scenes.

And then (yes, I'm not done), I started looking at the computer screen. These weren't even 5x7s. They were more like 3x5s. I felt so defeated. I said just give me the images on disk and I'll print them myself. He said all right. I asked him how big the image files were, because he was going to give me all of the files, even the proofs. He said he wasn't sure, but they all fit on a floppy disk.

I almost went ballistic.


For those who don't know much about digital photography and image sizes, any image that can be fit onto a 1.44 mb disk is probably big enough to look great on a website, but too small to print larger than a wallet size. He couldn't give me the real image files, because, like printing without the "fun" scenes, the computer just wouldn't let him.

So after all this, I learned that there was no way I'd have a headshot by the end of the week. I took the disk to Kinko's late that night and printed it out as a wallet size--which I then attached to my resume like an idiot who didn't know any better.

Aspiring actors take note: you always hear the great rare tale about the dumbass actor who got a great part without even having a headshot. Yeah, the story's great, the story's rare. But it still makes you a dumbass.

Having failed at finding a suitable headshot in the very short amount of time I had, my next step was to learn some monologues. Playmakers called for four minutes total, including two minutes of Shakespeare and two minutes of something modern. I had a good speech from The Taming of the Shrew (one of my least favorite comedies by Wild Bill Shakespeare) memorized and pretty well worked out. But I didn't have any non-comedy modern piece even partially memorized for contrast. And quick-memorization is not one of my strong points.

I made a list of all the plays I was familiar with and thought about the monologues or even half-conversations I could pull from them. I considered Zoo Story, Art, and about every Tennessee Williams play I'd ever read or done. I picked up plays and monologue books from the local library (terrible selection) and even more plays from a local used book store (incredible selection at incredible prices), but nothing I found seemed quite right. I even looked at awful monologue books, even though I had no hopes of finding and reading the plays which housed them before the audition.

I ordered three short play collections to be overnighted to me the week of the audition, as I started to panic. There was Mamet, whose short plays I wasn't that familiar with, Tennessee Williams, whose short plays I used to be familiar with, and Terrence McNally, who wrote a piece called Andre's Mother. In my memory, at least two Tennessee Williams plays had great monologues I wanted to do, and Andre's Mother had one great one. The Mamet book didn't arrive until the following week. The Tennessee Williams book arrived on Thursday, and the McNally book arrived on Friday around five o'clock.

The audition was Saturday.

The two pieces from Williams weren't as I remembered them. It's nice to have the plays on my shelf, but they weren't appropriate pieces I felt for an audition. Not this late in the game. On Thursday night, I decided to do a monologue from Edward Albee's Zoo Story. There are many blocks of text in that play, and they are more stories rather than interaction--which is a shame, because plain old monologues can be pretty boring. But I didn't have much choice fewer than 48 hours before the audition. I needed to get memorizing and get working.

It was awkward, but I was doing all right with the memorizing. I kept second-guessing my choice, but kept coming back because I had no alternative. I kept working at it until the end of the work day and then McNally book finally arrived. Andre's Mother was exactly as I remembered, and I decided then and there that I had to start over. I cut and cut and did my best to memorize and work out the piece within the twenty-two hours I had left. I was memorizing and cutting up until the very end.

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Alex Wilson Writer

Alex Wilson writes fiction and comics in Carrboro, NC. His work has appeared/will appear in Asimov's Science Fiction, The Rambler, LCRW, Weird Tales, The Florida Review, Futurismic, ChiZine, Pif, and Dragon. Locus Magazine has called him a "promising new writer," and Publishers Weekly also has nice things to say.

Alex runs the audiobook project/podcast Telltale Weekly and the writer wiki Guidevines. He publishes the minicomic/zine Inconsequential Art. He is a 2006 Clarion graduate.



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